The Downsides and Dangers of Seniors Living Alone…and What to Do About it

You’ve likely heard the opening (and usually unfinished) saying, “If these walls could talk . . .,” suggesting that the building or house itself could attest to the mischief and merriment that have happened within those walls. Every home is a treasure trove of stories – stories of family, faith, and fun; stories of struggle and success; stories of love and loss. For many of the “boomer” generation, home isn’t just where the heart is; home is tangible because their heart has been in the same place for decades. It’s no wonder that so many seniors struggle to entertain the thought of leaving such a special space.

It comes as no surprise, therefore, that many seniors eventually end up living alone. Long after children have moved out of the house (and maybe out of the state), and even after a husband or wife has died, an elderly individual struggles to give up the place they’ve known. After all, they bought that home, raised a family in it, sent children out from it, and still host children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren in it from time to time.

According to a 2010 US Census report, more than 15% of men and 26% of women aged 65 and older are currently living alone, with those percentages increasing substantially in the subsequent decade. As the population continues to age, these numbers will only increase. The question that one must answer is this: is it good for me to be alone?

Some people will state that they are fine on their own. And perhaps that’s true now. But for how long? We encourage you to consider the facts, both medical and relational. Relationally, elderly people who live alone tend to become isolated.

In an article on social isolation among seniors, Kate Benesch writes,

“Many seniors will meet most, if not all, of [the criteria for being considered isolated], which is why social isolation has started to become synonymous with senior or elderly isolation.”

Often, this “isolation” is unintentional. But over time, going out becomes more difficult, and interactions become fewer. Before too long, a senior citizen living alone spends most of his or her time alone. Physical visits with others decrease in frequency, as do phone conversations. Other than the background buzz of a television, there are little or no external stimuli in the lives of many senior citizens. Although you may never have thought of it in these terms, you tend to lose the skills you don’t use: even “skills” like conversation and social interaction. And, as those skills decline, so does one’s desire to be in settings where those skills are necessary.

In addition to being socially isolated, senior citizens living alone face increased health problems. Numerous studies have documented that isolation greatly impacts both physical and mental health. The CDC has reported that seniors living alone have an increased rate and risk of everything from stroke to dementia. In addition to major health issues like those, other concerns arise as well.

For example, many elderly people on their own stop cooking for themselves. Whether they simply eat less (not always a healthy choice) or eat fast food or microwavable meals, they neglect the health benefits that a good, well-balanced meal provides.

Similarly, as daily tasks become more difficult, some seniors will begin to neglect the care of their home and their hygiene. After all, if they are not going out, and if they are not expecting anyone to come in, then it seems to make little difference whether they clean their floor or themselves. However, a clean space is not merely a matter of tidiness; it is also a matter of safety. If a space is cluttered, it becomes a tripping hazard. Similarly, if a floor is littered with food particles or wrappers, it becomes difficult to walk, not to mention attracting insects and other pests. Likewise, personal hygiene is not merely a matter of appearance (or smell), but of health as well. Oral hygiene, for example, isn’t just a matter of bad breath; good oral hygiene is essential for eating and for disease prevention.

Living alone also carries with it the problem and the fear of falling and being unable to get up again. If you do not have friends or relatives who check on you frequently, you may find yourself in a precarious position for hours, or even days. Even seemingly simple things like remembering to take medication or paying bills in a timely manner is more difficult when living alone.

And these dangerous and deleterious effects have little to do with whether one is introverted or extroverted. From cognitive to coronary function, the mind and body are greatly affected by isolation and loneliness. It is no wonder that God says before completing His creation, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Or, if you prefer, the great metaphysical poet John Donne knew five centuries ago, “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”

To carry that metaphor forward, when we become cut off from “the main,” we find that we “erode” more easily. People need interaction with other people. We need the dialogue partners, the jokes, the mental acuity it takes to converse. We need companionship, those people who push us and challenge us and come alongside us. We need walking partners and riding partners and gardening partners.

It’s true that being or feeling like an “island” is not commonly self-caused. However, that state can be – and often is – self-perpetuated. A bit like the physical law of inertia, there is a tendency among people to repeat or get stuck in the same patterns, even ones that are unhelpful and unhealthy for us. Some who find themselves isolated can’t seem to overcome isolation on their own.

Perhaps it’s a problem of energy. When your energy is constantly low, the thought of expending energy on interaction is daunting. Perhaps the problem is perpetuated by fear, whether it’s fear of the new and unfamiliar or fear of future loss, especially if you’ve lost a great deal already. And sometimes isolation is perpetuated by the fact that an individual just isn’t sure what to do about it.
If low energy is your problem, we encourage you to remember that you might actually get more than you give. There’s an old story about a man who pulls a single ember out of a fire and sets it aside. On its own, it burns bright – for a brief time. But if left alone for too long, the ember’s glow and heat begin to diminish until it goes out altogether. However, that same ember, if put back in among the other embers can be reignited and stay that way because it is sharing the heat of the other embers. The group of embers keeps the individual embers alight. The same is true for people: a few shared laughs or words of encouragement goes a long way toward increasing our happiness and our overall health.

If fear is holding you back, we would encourage you not to worry about the future, which you cannot see and cannot ultimately control. As the Bible says, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (Mt. 6:34). Take part in the moments that you have in front of you – moments that are best shared with others.

And if you’re struggling with uncertainty about how to overcome isolation, we would suggest you consider if the time is right for you to move to an adult living facility. We recognize the difficulty of leaving a place you’ve called home. But, as we’ve written elsewhere, :”care” and “community” are two of the key reasons to consider an ALF.

Adult living facilities offer communal dining, games and activities, and the chance to share your golden years with others of similar ages and interests. You can have dinner with others, without the pressure of meal-planning and cooking. Any good facility will not only provide you with the opportunity for community, but will promote communal interaction. That doesn’t mean you’ll have no private time or private space, but it does mean you will have others around you to help you with daily tasks like cooking and cleaning, with personal habits like good hygiene, and with professional help for things like taking your medicine on time.

If you are currently living alone, we encourage you to consider the benefits of an adult living facility. To employ our previous metaphor one more time, if the residents are embers, then the facility is the fire place that gathers them and keeps them all together so that they can benefit from one another. That’s our goal at Alva Senior Living – to give you a brighter, warmer future. Don’t let isolation hold you back from living your senior years to their fullest potential.